Past

I keep waking up

as someone I don’t recognize.

Maybe that’s the problem.

Maybe that’s the point.

KILL WHAT I WAS.

FEED WHAT I’VE BECOME.

TEAR ME APART.

MAKE ME SOMEONE.

I keep pulling at the pieces

just to see which ones are mine.

One second I’m rebuilding,

next I’m begging for the fire.

I wanna scrape away the damage,

I wanna wear it like a crown.

I wanna become something better—

I wanna burn the whole thing down.

There is no in-between here,

no middle left to find.

Either I become somebody else

or die inside this fucking mind.

So take me apart.

No—leave me alone.

Give me a reason.

No—I already know.

If I have to lose myself

to finally feel alive—

THEN WHICH FUCKING ME

GETS LEFT BEHIND?

I wanna lose myself,

I wanna take control.

I wanna tear out everything

that’s ever made me whole.

BREAK ME DOWN—

I’ll build again.

LET ME OUT—

Don’t let me in.

I don’t know which side is me

when both are screaming in my head.

I’M BECOMING SOMEONE NEW

WHILE BURYING WHO I’VE BEEN.

Some days I want the silence,

some days I need the noise.

Some days I swear I’m finally free,

then I fucking miss the chains.

I keep changing my reflection

then demanding it stay still.

I keep swearing that I want this

while resisting every inch.

Build a future from the wreckage.

Drag the past into the light.

Tell myself that I survived it.

Tell myself I should’ve died.

No compromise between them.

No mercy when they switch.

One wants everything to change.

One wants nothing touched again.

So take me apart.

No—leave me alone.

Give me a reason.

No—I already know.

If I have to lose myself

to finally feel alive—

THEN WHICH FUCKING ME

GETS LEFT BEHIND?

I wanna lose myself,

I wanna take control.

I wanna tear out everything

that’s ever made me whole.

BREAK ME DOWN—

I’ll build again.

LET ME OUT—

Don’t let me in.

I don’t know which side is me

when both are screaming in my head.

I’M BECOMING SOMEONE NEW

WHILE BURYING WHO I’VE BEEN.

Maybe neither one is lying.

Maybe both of them are me.

The one who wants to fucking disappear,

the one who refuses to leave.

I can hate what I’ve become

and still protect it with my life.

I can want another beginning

and still mourn what gets left behind.

So don’t call this redemption.

Don’t call it giving up.

I’m tearing down the person

that I’m terrified to lose.

TEAR IT DOWN!

BUILD IT BACK!

LET IT DIE!

BRING IT BACK!

LOSE CONTROL!

TAKE IT BACK!

KILL THE PAST!

I FUCKING AM THE PAST!

SO WHICH ONE OF US

DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING SAVE?!

I wanna lose myself,

I wanna take control.

I wanna tear out everything

that’s ever made me whole.

BREAK ME DOWN—

I’ll build again.

LET ME OUT—

Don’t let me in.

I don’t know which side is me

when both are screaming in my head.

I’M BECOMING SOMEONE NEW

WHILE BURYING WHO I’VE BEEN.