I Don’t Have to Forgive You

Verse 1

I was five when you walked away

Old enough to know goodbye

But when you both were under one roof

I learned what fear sounded like

I hated watching you leave

But the silence let me breathe

No child should have to miss their mother

And still feel safer when she leaves

Chorus

I don’t have to forgive you

To love you while you go

I don’t have to rewrite my life

So you can leave here whole

I can mourn the mother I needed

And the one you chose to be

I can cry because I’m losing you

And still remember what you did to me

Death doesn’t erase a lifetime

Or make the broken pieces new

I can say goodbye, Mom

I don’t have to forgive you

Verse 2

You came to my graduation

Barely steady on your feet

One of those days I needed you

And I was taking care of you instead

There were so many chances

For you to be the mom I needed

But you kept trying to be my friend

Like somehow that could make us even

I didn’t need another friend

I was still your child

I needed someone I could run to

Someone who would stay awhile

I missed the mother I wanted

But I breathed easier alone

Somehow I felt safer

Every time you were gone

Bridge

Your leaving broke my heart

But your absence brought me peace

I hated that you left me

And I hated when you’d come back to me

For years I thought that made me cruel

Like something was wrong with me

But a child shouldn’t feel relief

When her mother finally leaves

You could’ve been my mother

That’s the part that hurts the most

I wasn’t asking for perfection

I just needed you to show

Chorus

I don’t have to forgive you

To love you while you go

I don’t have to make it beautiful

Just because we’re at the close

I can mourn the mother I needed

And grieve the one you chose not to be

I can hold your hand and love you

And still know I felt safer when you’d leave

Death doesn’t erase a lifetime

Or make the broken pieces new

I can say goodbye, Mom

I don’t have to forgive you

Final Chorus

I don’t have to forgive you

And I don’t have to hate you too

There’s enough room inside goodbye

For more than one thing to be true

I can grieve the mother I wanted

I can grieve what we never knew

I can keep whatever love was there

And still carry what you put me through

You were my mother

That will always be true

And when the final goodbye comes

I’ll find my own way through

I can hold your hand

I can say, “I love you”

And still mean every word

When I say

I don’t have to forgive you