The Armor

Packed a bag and didn’t look back

Diesel, black coffee, another state

Told myself I was getting stronger

I was just getting away

After you left I took the long road

Miles instead of sleep

If I kept moving I couldn’t feel it

If I stayed tired I couldn’t sink

Every town another body

Every night another name

I called it freedom, called it growing

It was armor with your face

I made a rule and I kept it holy

Nobody gets that close

Love is just a way to bleed out

And I already paid that cost

Expendable

That’s what I called it

Expendable

So I couldn’t get gutted

I built the armor so you couldn’t touch me

Worked my hands raw so my heart went quiet

Then I saw you and the whole thing rusted

All that steel and it still couldn’t hide it

They cheated too, every one after

Same knife, different room

I said “of course” like I expected it

Like I wrote the ending in you

I quit the road, came home harder

Thought I’d finally locked it down

Then one look and I’m that kid again

Heart too big, nowhere to put it now

I didn’t get over you

I just got good at leaving first

That’s not healing

That’s a curse

I built the armor so you couldn’t touch me

Worked my hands raw so my heart went quiet

Then I saw you and the whole thing rusted

All that steel and it still couldn’t hide it

I made you the last one who could wreck me

Then I wrecked everything else

Expendable

That’s what I called it

Then I saw you

And the armor failed