Santa's Taxing Me!

**[Verse 1]**

Woke up at 3 a.m., fridge light fuckin' glaring

Cookies on the plate, milk half-drained, shit's despairing

Stockings stuffed thick, then I spot that fat sack

All my goddamn Christmas treats, jacked by that hack (fuckin' prick)

Red suit creepin', in my hallway like a perv

Boot prints, ash, and that sticky-ass candy cane curve

But the candy's rolled tight, that's a fiend's wet dream

He winked, climbed the chimney, left me with jack shit, supreme

**[Chorus]**

Santa stole my fuckin' stash, that jolly-ass thief

Ran off with the pack, wrecked my holiday grief

Big red bag, yeah, he cleaned out my goddamn street

Ate my snacks, pulled a lick, then ghosted like a cheat

Santa stole my fuckin' stash, no tree, just debris

Left a note on the plate: "Thanks, you worthless OG"

Elves in the sleigh flippin' keys, straight-up sleaze

Santa stole my stash, now he's taxin' me (yeah, that fat fuck's taxin' me)

**[Verse 2]**

Rudolph in the driveway, nose glowin' like a crack beam

Whole squad fucked up, on that candy cane lean

He laughed, "I've been pimpin' this block all goddamn week

You ain't the first bitch Santa had to straight-up G" (motherfucker)

Got a list, checkin' names, that's his client hit sheet

Snow in the bag – pure coke, bells on his deceitful feet

Drops toys for the brats, actin' all upfront clean

Then doubles back at midnight for the real hunt, mean (skrrt, you cunt)

**[Chorus]**

Santa stole my fuckin' stash, that jolly-ass thief

Ran off with the pack, wrecked my holiday grief

Big red bag, yeah, he cleaned out my goddamn street

Ate my snacks, pulled a lick, then ghosted like a cheat

Santa stole my fuckin' stash, no tree, just debris

Left a note on the plate: "Thanks, you worthless OG"

Elves in the sleigh flippin' keys, straight-up sleaze

Santa stole my stash, now he's taxin' me (yeah, that fat fuck's taxin' me)

**[Bridge]**

I stormed the North Pole, ready to bash his skull in fade

Mrs. Claus at the door, high as fuck in the candy shade

Said, "He's out on route, boy, that man's a sleepless beast"

He's the plug and the predator, got the world on his twisted leash – rapin' the season, feastin' on the weak

**[Chorus]**

Santa stole my fuckin' stash, that jolly-ass thief

Ran off with the pack, wrecked my holiday grief

Big red bag, yeah, he cleaned out my goddamn street

Ate my snacks, pulled a lick, then ghosted like a cheat

Santa stole my fuckin' stash, no tree, just debris

Left a note on the plate: "Thanks, you worthless OG"

Elves in the sleigh flippin' keys, straight-up sleaze

Santa stole my stash, now he's taxin' me (now that fat fuck's taxin' me)