Wrong Damn Yard

Intro

(The track kicks off with a muffled, thumping bassline through a wall, like approaching a house party. A car door slams, keys jingle, and a beer can pops. Suddenly, a roaring, uptempo guitar riff blasts into full stereo as the protagonist walks through the gate.)

Verse 1

I saw the tiki torches flashing from the county road

Thought I found the address for the rager of the episode

Walked straight into the backyard with a twelve-pack in my hand

Shouting, "Who threw this together? Man, the styling is grand!"

Everyone was wearing matching velvet hooded cloaks

I clapped a guy right on the back and started telling jokes

They didn’t have a snack bar, just a massive iron pot

I said, "The punch looks extra chunky, but hey, give it a shot!"

They were chanting in a language that I didn’t learn in school

I yelled, "I love the commitment! You guys are trying to look cool!"

Chorus

(The music swells into a massive, anthemic arena-rock chorus with huge harmonies)

Oh, I think I walked into the wrong damn yard!

The cosplay is heavy and the bouncers are hard!

They’re drawing pentagrams where the cornhole should be

And nobody is lining up to chug a keg with me!

I thought it was a Halloween backyard bash

But they’re calling down a demon in a lightning flash!

Yeah, the music is loud but the vibe is getting twisted

This isn't the event that my group chat listed!

Verse 2

I went to find the bathroom but the hallway was a maze

Filled with jars of pickled eyeballs and a thick, sulfurous haze

I ran into the hostess, she was floating off the floor

Her eyes were glowing crimson as she locked the cellar door

I said, "Are you on wires? Tell me, how’d you get that lift?

If this is a contest, you’re definitely winning the gift!"

She handed me a dagger carved out of a goat's horn

I used it to open up my beer, looking totally forlorn

She whispered something dark about a sacrificial host

I said, "I’m more of a chips-and-dip guy, but I love the ghost!"

Chorus

Oh, I think I walked into the wrong damn yard!

The cosplay is heavy and the bouncers are hard!

They’re drawing pentagrams where the cornhole should be

And nobody is lining up to chug a keg with me!

I thought it was a Halloween backyard bash

But they’re calling down a demon in a lightning flash!

Yeah, the music is loud but the vibe is getting twisted

This isn't the event that my group chat listed!

Verse 3

The music drops a heavy riff as they start to encircle me

They’re throwing black powder making purple flames rise free

They asked me for my true name to seal a dynamic pact

I gave 'em my Instagram handle to keep the followers intact

They started weeping tears of blood, falling to their knees

I looked around and said, "Alright, who ordered the extra cheese?"

I checked my phone's GPS and my stomach took a dive

The party was at number four... and I’m at forty-five.

Bridge

(The tempo slows down to a heavy, dramatic metal march. The vocals become mock-epic, mimicking a dark ritual before breaking character)

The high priestess raised her arms, the sky began to howl!

She pointed at my graphic tee and let out something foul!

"The hour is nigh! The blood shall flow!"

I said, "Hold that thought, babe, I really gotta go."

Does anyone know if Uber Eats can deliver to a hex?

Because these guys are getting weird and I’m fearing what is next!

(A blisteringly fast, chaotic, and intentionally over-the-top guitar solo rips through the tension, sounding like a frantic escape)

Chorus

(The final chorus hits with double the energy, background vocals screaming in absolute panic)

Oh, I definitely walked into the wrong damn yard!

The cosplay is real and my chest is getting scarred!

They’re summoning an elder god where the pool should be

And there’s absolutely no one drinking Jell-O shots with me!

I thought it was a Halloween backyard bash

But the patio furniture is burning into ash!

Yeah, the music is loud but the spell is getting cast

I need to find the exit and I need to find it fast!

Outro

(The driving beat switches to the frantic sound of someone running through bushes and jumping over a wooden fence. The guitars are sputtering out.)

Sprint across the lawn.

Scramble past the graves.

Safe inside my Honda Civic, locking all the doors.

(The protagonist takes a deep breath, panting heavily. Suddenly, the car's Bluetooth cuts in with a loud, demonic voice echoing through the speakers)

"You forgot your twelve-pack."

(The track ends with the sudden, explosive sound of a car alarm blaring and the tires screeching away into the night.)