I NEVER TOLD YOU

I never told you what you were to me,

hid every word behind a smile.

I thought I had a little more time,

so I kept quiet for a while.

You were the name behind my thoughts,

the one I never dared to choose.

And now somebody else has found you

while I’m standing here to lose.

I could scream until my voice gives out,

I could cry until there’s nothing left.

’Cause the words I should have given you

are choking in my chest.

I never told you I was falling,

never told you I fell hard.

Never said I fucking missed you

every second we’re apart.

Now she’s standing where I wanted,

and I’m watching from the side.

God, I wish I’d had the courage

just to tell you what I hide.

I miss you like hell,

more than you will ever know.

And I’d give anything tonight

to go back before I let you go.

Take me back to the Netherlands,

to that water, skin and steam.

Back when you were right beside me

and this wasn’t just a dream.

Back inside that fucking hot tub,

where the whole world disappeared.

I didn’t know I’d spend forever

wishing I had held you near.

Maybe I should’ve leaned in closer,

maybe I should’ve said your name.

Maybe if I’d told you everything,

nothing would have stayed the same.

Now every memory cuts deeper,

every silence sounds like you.

And the hardest part of losing this

is you never even knew.

I never told you I was falling,

never told you I fell hard.

Never said I fucking missed you

every second we’re apart.

Now she’s standing where I wanted,

and I’m watching from the side.

God, I wish I’d had the courage

just to tell you what I hide.

I miss you like hell,

more than you will ever know.

And I’d give anything tonight

to go back before I let you go.

Does she know the way you saved me

without knowing what you’d done?

Does she get the side of you

I still can’t stop running from?

And I know I have no right

to ask you not to choose her now.

You never promised me forever—

I never even told you how.

How I loved you.

How I wanted you.

How I saw you everywhere.

How I would’ve chosen you

if I’d only fucking dared.

I never told you I was falling—

now I’m screaming it too late.

You found somebody while I waited,

thinking time would fucking wait.

Now I’m back here on the sidelines

with a heart you never knew.

And the cruelest fucking part is

I can’t even blame you.

I miss you like hell.

God, I wish that you could know.

I’d trade every day without you

for that one day long ago.

Back in the Netherlands,

back before I knew goodbye.

Back there in the water with you—

before you became

the love I never told

and the reason that I cry.

I never told you.

I never told you.

And now someone else gets

what I was too afraid to lose.