My Virus

Ohhh…

Would you be able to keep me from slipping?

Keep me from falling back down

To the lowest version of me?

I don’t wanna see that transition…

’Cause I know how dangerous

That version of me can be.

I need a counter-mission,

Something strong enough to fight this condition,

Theres a virus in my system corrupting every decision.

I hope you don’t hate what you see

When the symptoms start showing through me.

I can’t always control when my mind gets sick,

But being sick don’t mean I can’t get through it.

I know some of this came from me, myself and I,

But just give me a hand and I’ll try to find

My way back around to the other side.

But what if it’s temporary?

What if tomorrow I fall?

What if I reach for somebody

And bring ’em down through it all?

I don’t wanna infect the peace you have left

With the anguish living inside my chest.

So sometimes I push everybody away

Before they can see how bad it gets.

I know, I know…

It can be a bad thing.

I know, I know…

What happens when my mind starts changing.

But it’s been a while

Since that voice has spoken to me,

And I love, I love

The silence when it finally lets me breathe.

Would you be able to keep me from slipping?

When this virus starts clinging inside of me?

When my memories turn into enemies

And steal every piece of my energy?

Would you be able to keep me from slipping?

When I can’t tell what my own mind believes?

I don’t need you to cure what’s inside of me…

Just remind me there’s more to me

Than this disease.

Sometimes it feels like two minds in my brain,

One wants peace, one remembers the pain.

One says, “Keep going, you’re doing okay,”

The other wants everything good erased.

So I keep that madman locked behind the door,

’Cause I know what happens if I give him the floor.

Destruction got friends already living upstairs,

Waiting for one bad night to convince me nobody cares.

But I’m getting good at choosing what gets through,

Learning which thoughts are lies and which are true.

Still, memories pickpocket happiness from me,

Without permission, without warning, without needing a key.

Then optimism disappears through my phone,

Water droplets hitting the floor when I’m alone.

They dry before anybody ever sees,

Like the evidence disappears with me.

If you caught me, I’d probably make up a story

“Just tired.”

“Bad night.”

“Don’t worry.”

’Cause hiding became automatic,

I learned how to smile through static.

But every time I hide what hurts inside,

I give that virus another place to hide.

So maybe I gotta speak

Before I reach rock bottom.

Maybe strength ain’t hiding

Every single damn problem.

Maybe letting somebody see

Doesn’t make me weak.

Maybe saying, “Stay with me,”

Is exactly what I need.

I can’t promise I won’t slip.

Can’t promise there won’t be nights

When that old version of me

Comes knocking, looking for a fight

But I can promise one thing

Im keeping him locked tonight

Would you be able to keep me from slipping?

Not save me just stay when it gets hard to breathe