Fuck You, Anxiety

I wake with a siren beneath my skin,

Counting every breath, letting panic in.

Coffee goes cold by the bedroom door,

My mind draws a hundred exits on the floor.

They say, “Calm down,” like it’s just a switch,

But fear wears a crown and it talks too rich.

I smile for the room, then I lose my name,

While a choir in my chest keeps feeding the flame.

But I hear one voice through the noise tonight,

Not a perfect voice, just a human light.

Fuck you, anxiety, you don’t own me,

You can shake my hands, but you can’t control me.

Fuck you, dark thoughts, get out of my way,

I’m still here breathing at the end of the day.

If I fall, I’ll call, if I cry, I’ll stay,

I’m learning to live with the fear, not obey.

Fuck you, anxiety, hear me say:

You’re a storm in my head, not the whole of my day.

I text my sister from the bathroom stall,

“Can you talk for a minute? I’m afraid I’ll fall.”

She says, “Name five things that you see right now,”

Blue tile, red bag, silver sink, my brow.

Four things I can touch, three sounds in the hall,

Two steady feet, one breath through it all.

The panic still knocks, but I open the door

With a smaller heart than I had before.

And the drums come hard like a marching crowd,

I lift my voice and I sing it loud.

Fuck you, anxiety, you don’t own me,

You can shake my hands, but you can’t control me.

Fuck you, dark thoughts, get out of my way,

I’m still here breathing at the end of the day.

If I fall, I’ll call, if I cry, I’ll stay,

I’m learning to live with the fear, not obey.

Fuck you, anxiety, hear me say:

You’re a storm in my head, not the whole of my day.

Opera in my lungs, distortion in my veins,

I turn every tremor into hurricane rain.

No, I’m not broken, no, I’m not alone,

There’s a hand on the phone and a light in my home.

Some days I whisper, some days I roar,

Some days surviving means getting through the door.

But every new morning, whatever it brings,

I choose my own breath, I choose my own wings.

Fuck you, anxiety, you don’t own me,

You can shake my hands, but you can’t control me.

Fuck you, dark thoughts, get out of my way,

I’m still here breathing at the end of the day.

If I fall, I’ll call, if I cry, I’ll stay,

I’m learning to live with the fear, not obey.

Fuck you, anxiety, hear me say:

You’re a storm in my head, not the whole of my day.