Nobody asked

It's three a.m., the kitchen light is low

The fridge hums like a song I used to know

A spoon against a cup, the house too loud

Every sound a sentence I couldn't turn down

I was good, I was quiet

I kept it all inside

And nobody asked me how I was

Not the night the doors were closed

Not the day the whole world broke

I heard it all, I held it all

I was small, but I was there

Nobody asked me how I was

And I never learned to say

You taught me manners, taught me right from wrong

Sit up straight, say please, be good, be strong

But you never wanted to know who I was

Just the shape you needed me to be

And I heard the other you through the walls

The fights, the lies, not the first time at all

You gave me rules you never kept

A world of contradictions, and I kept it

And nobody asked me how I was

Not the night the doors were closed

Not the day the whole world broke

I heard it all, I held it all

I was small, but I was there

Nobody asked me how I was

And I never learned to say

Mama gave me money, said hide it, no reason

And later you came asking what I'd kept

You never treated us the same, my sister and me

And I watched, and said nothing, and I stepped

Away, once I'd known long enough

At sixteen I said it clear: I'm done

I kept the peace for Mama's sake

Not yours, I made that sure

Then you picked the hour nobody was home

Except the one who never made a scene

I stood in the doorway, I washed the floor

So no one else would have to see

Your letter said be stronger, be smarter

It said I never asked

But the life you lived and the words you left

Were two strangers who never met

I know it isn't true, I know it isn't mine

But it found the softest place I have

And it's still there, all this time

So tonight, at three a.m.

I'm asking me how I am

I'm tired, I'm grieving, I'm still here

And I'm letting myself be heard

Somebody asked me how I was

And the somebody was me

How are you

I'm here, I'm here