“Through the Pain”

I smile when I say that I’m okay,

But you can hear the tremble in my voice.

I miss you more with every passing day,

And loving you was never really a choice.

You became the place my heart calls home,

The one thing I’m terrified to lose.

And when the silence leaves me all alone,

My mind starts making up things I don’t wanna choose.

I know I overthink, I know I’m scared,

Sometimes I need to know that you’re still there.

It isn’t that I don’t believe in you,

I just love you more than I know how to.

I love you through the pain,

Through every fucking tear I hide away.

I miss you when you’re gone,

Even when you’re only gone for a little while.

And I’m scared someday I’ll wake up

And you won’t love me like you do today.

If my heart gets too loud,

Please understand—

I’m just afraid of losing the man

I’d choose again and again.

Sometimes I wish you could see inside my chest,

See how your name is written in every part.

You’d understand why I can’t always rest,

Why every little distance scares my heart.

I don’t need perfection from you,

I don’t need promises you can’t keep.

I just need to know that when I’m hurting,

You’ll still reach for me.

And if I cry, please don’t think I’m leaving,

If I’m quiet, I’m probably just feeling.

There’s so much love underneath these fears,

I just don’t always know how to make it clear.

I love you through the pain,

Through every fucking tear I hide away.

I miss you when you’re gone,

Even when you’re only gone for a little while.

And I’m scared someday I’ll wake up

And you won’t love me like you do today.

If my heart gets too loud,

Please understand—

I’m just afraid of losing the man

I’d choose again and again.

If you ever wonder why I hold on so tight,

It’s because you became my favorite part of life.

And if my fears come crashing like rain against the glass,

Just hold me close and tell me we’re gonna last.

I don’t want another love,

I don’t want somebody new.

Even through my darkest nights,

My heart still runs to you.

I love you through the pain,

Through the nights I’m drowning in my own mistakes.

I miss you more than words could ever say,

And I hope you feel my love even when I’m afraid.

If someday you hear these words,

I hope you finally understand—

Every tear was because I cared,

Every fear was because you mattered.

And if I had a thousand lives to live,

A thousand hearts to give,

I’d still find you somehow…

And I’d still choose you.

So if I say, “I miss you,”

Please hear what I really mean:

“I love you.

I’m scared.

I’m hurting.

But I’m still here.”