What you left me to clean

Pre-Chorus

Forty-five minutes they tried to bring you back

And I came in at the end of it

Chorus

You lay there covered, the police in the hall

I stood in the doorway, quiet as always

I watched them carry you out

And then I picked up what was left

I cleaned it so they would never see

So my mother and my sister

Wouldn't have a worse picture than they already had

You chose the moment, I carried the aftermath

Verse 2

You always knew who wouldn't make a scene

The quiet one, the polite one

The girl with the rulebook of manners

Who never raised her voice

I saw your image all those years

The man you wanted to be

And everywhere you failed at it

I was the one who saw it clearly

Pre-Chorus

And I learned to carry it silently

Because you taught me how

Chorus

You lay there covered, the police in the hall

I stood in the doorway, quiet as always

I watched them carry you out

And then I picked up what was left

I cleaned it so they would never see

So my mother and my sister

Wouldn't have a worse picture than they already had

You chose the moment, I carried the aftermath

Verse 3

And then your letter

I know it isn't true

I know most of it was never mine

That it shouldn't touch me

But it does

It found the one soft place I have

After all these years of knowing better

It still lands there

Like you aimed it

Bridge

I know the difference between your words and the truth

I've said it to myself a thousand times

I closed the door on you at sixteen

And I meant it, and I still do

But grief doesn't ask what's fair

It only knocks, and knocks, and knocks

And I'm the one who has to answer

Every time, still, years after

Final Chorus

You chose the moment, I carried the aftermath

But I'm not what you wrote

I'm not the quiet girl who never asked

I'm the one who stayed, who cleaned, who stood

And who is allowed to put it down

Now, in my own time, in my own words

Out loud

Outro (soft, almost spoken)

I'm not you

And I'm allowed to put it down