I still visit you there

I haven’t the words

To explain what I felt.

A new follower,

A like to my post.

I didn’t know you,

But something in me

Reached across the distance

And wanted you to stay.

You were so far away,

But something about you

Felt close to me.

I watched for your name,

That smile you shared,

The way you opened every post,

That steady, sexy voice:

“How ya doin’?”

You got me every time.

It was only a spark

Through a glowing screen,

But I carried it with me

Every day in between.

More now than ever

Since you’ve been gone.

I never told you that.

I don’t know why.

I wish I had.

Three a.m.,

Your name on my screen.

You’d liked something

I’d shared that day.

I’d roll back over

With a smile on my face.

Little by little,

You became part of my days.

A message, a laugh,

The things you trusted me with.

You said you felt safe.

You knew you could trust me.

And I was glad

You could feel that with me.

What started as a name

Became a place to belong.

Your voice found its way

Into the shape of my songs.

I thought there would be time

To tell you what you meant,

So I let each “I love you”

Stay hidden in my chest.

I loved you through the blue light,

Through the silence, through the screen.

Every unsent “I love you”

Still burns where your name has been.

Now I’m calling into midnight,

But the dark won’t answer me.

You’re gone, and all this love I saved

Has nowhere left to be.

“Hey, it’s me again.

Just checking on you.”

You said, “I just want

To be me again.”

I heard how tired you were.

I stayed with what I knew to say:

“I’m always here.”

And I meant it.

I hope you knew.

But I wish I’d said it louder.

I wish I’d broken through.

I wish I’d found the words

To tell the truth to you.

You never knew

How much I looked for you,

How your smallest words

Could carry me through.

You were far away,

But you felt like home.

Somehow, in the quiet,

Neither of us was alone.

I thought tomorrow

Would give me one more chance.

Now I’m left with every word

I never got to say.

I loved you through the blue light,

Through the silence, through the screen.

Every unsent “I love you”

Still burns where your name has been.

Now I’m calling into midnight,

But the dark won’t answer me.

You’re gone, and all this love I saved

Has nowhere left to be.

I came to check on you.

I found out you were gone.

My best friend,

And I was nowhere around.

I tried to tell them.

They couldn’t understand.

I went back to your messages,

Held your words inside my hands.

I read them all again,

Looking for a sign,

For one more “I love you,”

For one more piece of time.

The world kept moving on,

But mine was standing still.

I had so much love for you

And nowhere it could spill.

So I pour it into memories.

I pour it into song.

I carry every promise

That I should have said all along.

If love could have reached you,

You would still be here.

But all I have is loving you

Through every passing year.

I still write to you.

I tell you everything

I never said.

I know yo