I Hope You’re Not Pretending

Wasn’t looking for you.

The algorithm put you there.

Same face. Different life.

And I caught myself staring.

Single, travelling, figuring it out

Pretty little captions screaming confidence loud

Fuck that prick, don’t let him under your skin

Smile for the camera, tell the world that you win

And maybe you do

Maybe I’m wrong

Maybe there’s nothing hiding under that song

But I knew your silence, I knew your eyes

I knew the difference between truth and disguise

Seven years close enough to know your tells

But maybe I’m just seeing ghosts in pixels

I could tell myself you’re hurting

Say you wish that you had stayed

Turn your sadness into proof

That I was never your mistake

But I don’t need that anymore.

I HOPE YOU’RE NOT PRETENDING

I hope that smile is fucking real

I hope you found the thing you wanted

I hope you’re learning how to heal

I don’t need you broken

To prove that I survived

I don’t need you missing me

To know I’m still alive

I HOPE YOU’RE NOT PRETENDING

And God knows—

I’ve done enough of that too.

My screen lights up, now somebody wants me

New names, new lips, new hands upon me

One stays the night, one wants me there

One says she sees what’s underneath there

And yeah, it feels good

I’d be lying if I said

Being wanted doesn’t quiet something in my head

But am I living?

Or proving I’m alive?

Is this really moving forward

Or another good disguise?

Gym. Work. Sex. Walk. Repeat.

Build a better man from the wreckage underneath

Maybe we’re both just figuring shit out

Trying to make peace while we scream it out loud

I HOPE YOU’RE NOT PRETENDING

I hope that smile is fucking real

I hope the road gives you your answers

I hope somebody makes you feel

I don’t need you lonely

I don’t need you to regret

You can love the life you’re living

And I can love what we once had

I HOPE YOU’RE NOT PRETENDING

And God knows—

I’m still learning not to.

Maybe you’re happy.

Maybe you’re hurting.

Maybe I’m right.

Maybe I’m projecting.

Maybe none of it

IS ANY OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS.

Your pain doesn’t heal me.

Your happiness doesn’t hurt me.

Your story isn’t mine anymore.

AND MINE

DOESN’T NEED

YOUR ENDING.

I HOPE YOU’RE NOT PRETENDING

But I don’t need to fucking know

You chose the road you needed

And I finally chose my own

No winners

No losers

No score left to defend

You don’t have to lose

For me to win

If that smile is real…

I’m glad.

If it isn’t…

I hope one day it is.

And I hope the same for me.